Christian Men and Sex

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth."
Song of Songs 1:2
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Book Study Guide

Book Study Questions.  What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex

For small groups, men's groups, or your own personal study, these questions will help apply the book to your life and love.  Print out a copy for your reference.  


Introduction: It’s Not Just What You Know….


1)When you think of the world’s greatest lover, who comes to mind? How do you measure up?


2)How have Puritans and pornographers influenced the way you view your sexuality?


3)Do you believe Christian men are the greatest lovers in the world? Why/why not?



Chapter 1: Knowing in the Biblical Sense


1)What comes to mind when you think of sex and the Bible? What are your memories of how sex was talked about in church while you were young?



2)The Song of Songs says to beware of “little foxes” that spoil intimacy. What are some little foxes that get in the way of intimacy with your spouse?



3)The authors suggest reading The Song of Songs as a form of foreplay. How do you feel about that? Do you think you could do it?



Chapter 2: Knowing the Myths and the Truth


1)What is the biggest myth you were taught about sexuality growing up?



2)Why do you think so much false or negatively skewed information about sexuality is floating around, especially in Christian circles?



3)A lot of myths about sexuality have to do with shame. What feelings of shame have you had to overcome?



Chapter 3: Knowing How to Be a Man



1)How has your relationship with your mother influenced how you relate to women/your wife?

2)How has your relationship with your father blessed or cursed your own growth as a man?


3)What does it mean to be a man?  How do you challenge yourself to be one?



Chapter 4: Knowing Your Body and Your Wife’s Body



1)Did you have a sex talk with your father when you were young?



2)How did you learn what you know today about sex?



Chapter 5: Knowing the Dangers



1)Why is it more difficult to discuss sexual problems than other physical or emotional issues?



2)If you were suffering from a sexual problem, would you tell your wife? Your doctor? Your pastor? This group? God?



3)This chapter talks about taking care of your body, mind, soul, emotions, and relationship. Which of these areas could use some attention in your life?



Chapter 6: Knowing Who You Are



1)Reflect back on the early stage of your relationship. What’s changed?



2)Was the passion in your relationship ever stronger than it is now? Why?



3)Who is your “intimacy hero” - your role model for relationships?



Chapter 7: Knowing How to Be Alone



1)When is the most difficult time for you to be alone?



2)When you are alone, what kind of things trigger temptation?



3)What kind of things make your alone times easier?



Chapter 8: Knowing How to Love Her



1)Have you ever asked your wife how you can love her? What did she say?



2)Rate your empathy, support, patience, conversation, surprises, play, forgiveness & lovemaking.



3)What prevents you from practicing each of those qualities every day?



Chapter 9: Knowing How to Make Love



1)How often do you and your wife discuss the things you like (and don’t like) in the bedroom? Why do you think this doesn’t happen very much?



2)The authors suggest that Christians should be the best lovers in the world. This includes having the best sex? Do you agree? If so, why do you think Christians don’t talk openly about sex more often.



3)What makes sex really great for you (be honest)?


Chapter 10: Knowing How to Make it Last



1)This chapter talks about the “little foxes.” Which foxes threaten your marriage?



2)How do you see your wife as your girlfriend?  How do you feel about dating her?



3)How do you imagine your love for your wife will look like after eighty two years of marriage?  What will be the qualities that will make your romance last?



Chapter 11: ….. It’s Who You Know



1)Do you remember the first time you felt shame over your sexuality?



2)In what ways was Jesus the greatest lover the world has ever known?



3)What do you need to do to follow Christ’s example and become a great lover?



Chapter 12: Your Sexual Mission



1)Challenge one suggests you share your sexual strengths and growth areas with your wife. What makes this a challenge for you?



2)Challenge two suggests you seek accountability with fellow men. What makes this a challenge?



Chapter 13: What Men Wish Their Wives Knew



1)What would you like your wife to know about your sexuality?



2)What can she do to help your love life become the world’s greatest?